Necessary Endings - Part Four: This or That?

“Part of maturity is getting to the place where we can let go of one wish in order to have another.” (Dr. Cloud)

I’ve had to work on something that is a fundamental core issue with myself.

I. WANT. IT. ALL.

Literally, all of it. I want options. I want to plan six different scenarios so I know I’m going to be ok. I want the flexibility day-by-day to decide what I want. Now, these aren’t all inherently bad. However, when I fixate on it and obsess over it, it becomes a problem.

As the quote from Dr. Cloud says above, “Part of maturity is getting to the place where we can let go of one wish in order to have another.” He then says, “The immature mind 'wants it all.’ But the truth is that the most valuable things come with a cost. To win, we have to give up some things for others.”

Ouch.

The lesson I’m learning, literally here…right now…today…is that in order to achieve my dreams, I have to give up some things. Sometimes, we have to trim off the stems that are “ok” and “good” but are taking away resources from what is the best. For me, this is when my fear kicks in. What if I trim off something that I should stick with? What if I bust my butt on a business, only for it to fail? Then what? Where does that put me?

This goes back to our new definition of failure. More importantly, it comes down to not being attached to the outcome. We have to become detached from the outcomes. The outcomes DON’T DEFINE us. If we aren’t attached to the outcomes, then we can walk away at whatever time is necessary to make an ending happen. It’s “letting the chips fall where they land” and being ok with it.

With this mindset, we can give up what’s good in order to work on the best. And no matter what happens, we are ok. We are not the result of the outcome. Dr. Cloud says, “…you have to be able to face losing some things you might want in order to be free to do the right thing. If you can’t, you are stuck.” And losing some things is ok if we aren’t attached to that outcome.

I’ll end with this question. I suggest writing this out, wrestle with it, and meditate on it. “What particular outcome are you unwilling to sacrifice to realize your vision of the future?”

Grace and Peace,

VM