Necessary Endings - Part One
“Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on…”
Let that settle in for a second. “Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on.” If we are honest with ourselves, leaving things behind and moving on is one of the hardest challenges we face. A business. A relationship. A friendship. Sometimes, these have to die for us to continue living.
In the book, “Necessary Endings” by Dr. Henry Cloud, he gives a beautiful example of what our lives should look like. Paraphrasing, our lives are like rosebushes. The rosebush, when trimmed and shaped, is beautiful, stunning, and pleasurable. A well-maintained rosebush in a garden stands out and makes the entire garden full and magnificent. On the other hand, an overgrown rose bush, with its stems all over the place and dying makes the garden lacking something. It’s an eyesore, really. This is our life.
The gardener prunes the rosebush. Ruthlessly. They prune, prune again, and then prune some more. There are three ways in which the gardener prunes:
Healthy buds or branches that are not the best ones.
Sick branches that are not going to get well.
Dead branches that are taking up space needed for the healthy ones to thrive.
For point #1, the gardener trims the stems that are just “ok.” Why? Because though those stems may be pretty or “good,” they aren’t perfect. They aren’t the best. And these stems are taking resources away from the stems that are perfect and the best. The gardener is pruning so that all the resources of the rosebush can be free to the buds with the greatest potential. The perfect rosebuds get every resource it needs to become a mature and beautiful rose bush. This comes at a cost, but without endings, you don’t get the best roses.
As for points #2 and #3, the branches that are sick or dead aren’t going to make it or haven’t made it. The gardener may help the sick ones or try to make them grow. But at some point, the gardener realizes that no matter how much care they give these branches, it simply won’t help. And thus, they prune.
“…Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they are meant to be, never accomplishing all that their talents and abilities should afford them.”
As people, we aren’t designed to just exist or cope. We aren’t designed to just go through life, half great and halfway dying. We are designed to thrive. To LIVE FULLY! And just like a gardener pruning the rosebush, you have to prune your life to thrive.
The good, but not the best.
The sick.
The dead.
Get rid of it! Easier said than done. Honestly, I’m at a point of my life where I need to prune. I want to thrive in my life. And that means being ok with pruning what is taking resources away from my life being great and thriving.
“…Getting your brain to move to create an ending, and getting the people around you to do the same, is going to take both: the fear of the negative and the draw of the positive.”
Is it hard? Yes! Is it scary? Hell yes! Is it necessary? Well…YES! But we have to prune! So today, may you have the courage to begin pruning. May you thrive and may you begin to move past the doubts, fears, and worries in order to begin creating a life that’s worth living.
Grace and Peace,
VM
